Cricket World Cup 2011: India v Pakistan - live!
18th over: Pakistan 77-2
(target 261; Shafiq 13, Younis 2) Nehra replaces Patel. Anyone out there?
17th over: Pakistan 77-2 (target 261; Shafiq 13, Younis 2)
Shafiq gives Harbhajan the charge and crunches a bump ball back over Harbhajan's head for four. A boundary from the first ball puts such pressure on a bowler, but Bhaji pulls it round splendidly with just one additional single. "Most popular OBO?" says James Smith. "Can't be 2005 as it was on Channel 4, won't be 2006-07 as that tour never happened. So I reckon day 5 at Lord's in 2009. When Freddie became Jesus." Nup. Think about it – that game was over before lunch, so we didn't have a full day of hot, steamy F5 action.
16th over: Pakistan 72-2 (target 261; Shafiq 8, Younis 2) Munaf Patel's last two overs have cost just two. Where's your money? I've got a feeling Zaheer Khan is going to win this. I don't know why. "Something weird is going on chez moi this afternoon, Rob," says Clare Davies. "For the first time since 7 January (Sydney Test – last day), my small fierce black cat is sitting very quietly on my lap for the cricket. Through the first innings, as during most of this tournament, she yowled and paced and clawed the carpet. Now all is peaceful – she is obviously gripped."
WICKET! Pakistan 70-2 (Hafeez c Dhoni b Patel 43) This is a wretched shot from Mohammad Hafeez. He tried a premeditated lap at a ball from Patel that was far too wide of off stump, and it shaved the edge on its way through to Dhoni. That's a shocking stroke! India celebrate wildly, and that has the feeling of a Big Moment. What is it with Pakistan batsmen and lap strokes against India?
15th over: Pakistan 70-1 (target 261; Hafeez 43, Shafiq 8) A rare poor delivery from Harbhajan is punished appropriately by Shafiq, who rocks back to slam a short one through the covers for four. Seven from the over. "Shameless plug," says Nicholas Goold, "but I'm also an OBOer/lurker and my band, The Lost Cavalry, played a while back with Niall Harden's Heliopause at Brixton Windmill (very good they were) and we too have a free song out. What to put in Room 101? Shameless plugs."
14th over: Pakistan 63-1 (target 261; Hafeez 41, Shafiq 3) This is a good spell for India. You can sense the walls closing in ever so slightly on the Pakistan batsmen, and the nervous Shafiq plays and misses at a wide, swinging delivery from Patel. A maiden from Patel, so that means Pakistan have scored just 12 from the last four overs. "To combine two themes," begins Mike Gibbons, "I would hurl into Room 101 any pub that uses ciabatta bread for a fish finger sandwich as an excuse to charge in the region of £5.50 (without chips for heaven's sake) for the privilege, as if the magic words 'ciabatta' and 'lime mayonnaise' lift it from a simple but delicious snack and into the realms of haute cuisine."
13th over: Pakistan 63-1 (target 261; Hafeez 41, Shafiq 3) Bhaji's ten overs are crucial at the best of times, but even more so today as he is the only frontline spinner. Shafiq drives in the air but the ball is wide of Harbhajan and drops short anyway. Four singles from the over. "I would like to 101 (if I may abbreviate) the use of the word 'nightmare'," says Stuart Wilson. "In particular an Essex secretary might text to her friend 'OMG, nightmare, internet down at work all day and haven't been able to post those pictures of us drinking cheeky vimtos on facebook. LOL!'. For me a nightmare is when you awake in the middle of the night to find Gary Naylor an axe-wielding maniac standing next to your bed." Your suggestion of Naylor brings this to mind (warning: has adult language, etc, etc).
12th over: Pakistan 59-1 (target 261; Hafeez 39, Shafiq 1) A poor delivery from Patel, short on leg stump, is touched fine for four by Hafeez. He is having quite a day, having bowled ten economical overs earlier. Anyway, I had the link to Niall Harden's band wrong between innings. You can get their free EP here. "The thing I'd put in Room 101 is people who finish statements with the words 'End of'," says Phil Sawyer. "No, just because you've offered an opinion doesn't mean it's enshrined in some sort of universal law. Also, from my detailed statistical analysis, I find that 97.3 of people who end their arguments with 'End of' are invariably wrong. End of."
11th over: Pakistan 54-1 (Hafeez 34, Shafiq 1) Hello again. Do you realise? Not that you have the most beautiful face, or that every one you know, someday, will die. But this is going to the last over, maybe the last ball, maybe even the last ball of the Super Over. It is going to happen. It's the way it has to be. Harbhajan is coming into the attack, and his third ball almost brings a wicket when Hafeez pushes one back to Harbhajan on the half volley.
10th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 24) Despite the wicket, the runs continue to flow like obscenities from Johnny Rotten's mouth; another lovely shot - this time through mid-off - from Hafeez brings a boundary, and another one follows from a pull that bounces just before Khan before leaping over him. Despite that risky shot, Hafeez really is really is playing beautifully. Meanwhile lots of suggestions from the most read OBO, including Edgbaston 2005, Old Trafford final day 2005 (Mark Lloyd), and 29 December 2010 (Michael Johnson). Keep them coming to rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk.
9th over: WICKET! Akmal c Yuvraj b Khan 19 (Pakistan 44-1) Khan returns with a wicket as Akmal slashes to Yuvraj at gully! That's 18 wickets for Khan in this tournament so far. At this stage, India were 63-1. "As someone wishing to take advantage of the social mobility in this country, could someone tell whether rackets is posher than real tennis?" asks Piers Barclay. "The winner of that one is where we should all be aiming."
8th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 24) The pitch continues to be as jobsworth-helpful to the Indian bowlers. Another over, another Hafeez boundary - this time over midwicket. The average opening partnership for Pakistan in this tournament has been 28.8 ... but the way the ball is going off the bat that average will quickly be going up. "Can we have a game of 'guess what the most viewed OBO ever is?'" asks William Hardy. By all means, William ...
7th over: Pakistan 38-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 19) A breezy boundary each for Akmal and Hafeez keeps Pakistan ahead of the run rate; so far this is going swimmingly for the visitors. "The OBO is now at the cutting edge of 21st century education," claims Jamie Kirkaldy. "I have just set my GCSE English class the challenge of being the first person to get an email published on the OBO. They have a computer each so if you spend the next hour inundated with semi-coherent, unpunctuated, nonsensical teenage ramblings, from people with email addresses like da_bizineess_innit@hotmail.com, blame the system their primary schools." Ah, that explains it.
6th over: Pakistan 29-0 (Akmal 15, Hafeez 13) This is better from India; just one run off Nehra's third over (3-0-11-0). Meanwhile more Room 101 suggestions: "I really hate it when people say 'quite unique' when what they should be saying is "rare", says Qaisar Lataf. "Also 'safe haven'; is it possible to have an unsafe haven?" Er, the City Tube station that was bombed in the Blitz?
5th over: Pakistan 28-0 (Akmal 15, Hafeez 13) Munaf Patel replaces Zaheer Khan and immediate lifts the crowd with a delivery with plenty of of zigazigah; a leg cutter that pitches on off-stump and moves about six inches to beat Akmal's bat. The rest of the over is just as spiky, and there are just two runs from it. Despite Pakistan's start, it's worth remembering that India were 51-0 at this point. "What is it about Gloucestershire and posh racket sports?" asks Paddy Murphy - a question that I'm particularly ill-advised to answer. "I had a mate at university who struggled to get into our 2nd XI and promptly secured a contract with Gloucestershire on leaving. The county then got him a job coaching Real Tennis in the off season despite the fact that he had no background in playing that either. Actually, maybe he just talked himself up well. He did tell a story about returning from the toilet one day to find Fred West chatting up his girlfriend."
4th over: Pakistan 26-0 (Akmal 13, Hafeez 13) Pakistan continue to chancelessly accumulate - a sweet caress from Hafeez brought another boundary that over. The pitch isn't doing much, the crowd is curiously flat, and Pakistan are now favourites with the bookies. "I'm in school," says Hassan Cristi. "It's so funny how were not even learning anything but instead have our butts glued in front of the big screen just watching the cricket whilst our teacher is just talking about how he is in the Ashes book." Happy days Hassan. Reminds me that I was at sixth-form college in Luton when Pakistan won the the 1992 World Cup - there was plenty of the flag-waving and car klaxons that day. And not much studying.
3rd over: Pakistan 20-0 (Akmal 12, Hafeez 8) The Mohali crowd goes 5am quiet after Hafeez flicks Khan through midwicket for four, but the excited gabbing soon starts up again when the Pakistani batsman risk two quick singles in three deliveries. Twice Tendulkar shies at the stumps; twice he misses. "The fact that my initial reaction was 'There's a sport posher than squash?" (mid-innings break) probably means the Rackets isn't for me," says Ian Mowat.
2nd over: Pakistan 12-0 (Akmal 9, Hafeez 3) Pakistan aren't great at chasing - their top five run chases over past year are 289, 275, 264, 178, 164 (thanks to Ed Hawkins) - but they're going about their business with no alarms or surprises so far. Four off Ashish Nehra's first over. "I don't know if this counts as 'interesting,' but I'm the offspring of two-American born parents, no connection to the Commonwealth whatsoever, never left North America, staying up all night to tweet the game in Spanish," says Eric Vinyl.
1st over: Pakistan 8-0 (Akmal 8, Hafeez 0) Lovely stuff from Kamran Akmal, who steers Zaheer Khan's opening delivery through cover point for a boundary before doubling his tally with a drive straight down the ground. There was some encouragement for India in that over, mind - one delivery kept lower than Berlin property prices. Meanwhile my colleague Paolo Bandini tweets: "Just been in central London - where I saw a mob of about 30 cricket fans standing in rain watching a telly through a shop window." I'm sure that's a common occurrence throughout the world; incidentally this match is already the second-most viewed OBO of the tournament on the Guardian website.
INNINGS BREAK
50th over: India 260-9 (Raina 36, Patel 0) Raina drives the last ball of the innings for a couple. That is such a good last over from Wahab Riaz, with just four from it. He ends with marvellous figures of 10-0-46-5. Shahid Afridi calls his team into a huddle before the leave the field, and you would say that Pakistan are slight favourites. They need 261 to win. Sean Ingle will be calling this journalism for the first 10 overs of the Pakistan reply, which begins in 20 minutes. You can email him at sean.ingle@guardian.co.uk. See you for the last 40 overs of the Pakistan innings, and the Super Overs.
WICKET! India 258-9 (Nehra run out 1) Ashish Nehra takes one for the team, sacrificing himself so that Raina can get on strike for the final delivery. Nehra missed the ball and, with Raina safe, the keeper Kamran Akmal was smart enough to lob the throw to the bowler's end for Wahab to do the rest.
WICKET! India 256-8 (c K Akmal b Wahab 9) This is the greatest day of Wahab Riaz's life. He has picked up his fifth wicket, with Zaheer edging a huge heave to Kamran Akmal. Wahab gets to his knees to kiss the turf, and there are four balls remaining.
49th over: India 256-7 (Raina 33, Zaheer 9) Umar Gul will bowl the penultimate over. Raina tickles the first ball off the pads, and Wahab Riaz at short fine leg does brilliantly to save four. Younis Khan at long off does likewise later in the over. After four singles and a two, Raina finally gets a boundary off the last delivery with a brilliant flick behind square. Ten from the over, and Umar Gul – Pakistan's banker, usually – ends with figures of 8-0-69-0. They flatter him; he's been that bad. "It would be helpful if you could explain what a batting Powerplay is," says Christopher Squire. "Not all of your readers have been following this contest closely up to now." It would also help if I had 47 fingers. I'm afraid we have to assume some knowledge, but you can read about batting Powerplays here.
48th over: India 246-7 (Raina 25, Zaheer 7) Wahab Riaz replaces Umar Gul. India's lower order are playing recklessly when all they need to do is get Raina on strike. Zaheer is very lucky that a false stroke loops high over the covers and lands safely, and then he gets a big leading edge over point for four. In other news, here's a simple email: "You call this journalism?" I would tell you who the email is from, but if I do that it would come tantalisingly close to justifying his existence.
47th over: India 237-7 (Raina 24, Zaheer 1) That's a brilliant final over from Ajmal, costing just three. He ends with figures of 10-0-44-2. He is a master. Talking of masters, Lord Selvey has just stirred and has dictated this message to his humble servant, Bull. "Room 101? People who say 'less' when they mean 'fewer'. Oh, and lager of course. Well crap lager anyway and no need to mention which."
WICKET! India 236-7 (Harbhajan st K Akmal b Ajmal 12) Saeed Ajmal 1-0 Harbhajan Singh. Ajmal saw Harbhajan coming and beat him with a lovely doosra, allowing Akmal to do the rest as Harbhajan wafted down the Bakerloo line. That's a poor stroke.
46th over: India 235-6 (Raina 23, Harbhajan 12) Umar Gul is back and will probably bowl out from this end. Unless, say, his first over back is a complete stinker that disappears for 14. Which is precisely what has just happened. Raina clubs the first ball back over Umar Gul's head for four and drives the third through extra cover for another boundary. Could he do to Gul what Ajay Jadeja did to Waqar in the quarter-final of 1996? He gets off strike with a single, and then Harbhajan helps an errant attempted yorker to fine leg for four. Umar Gul has gone mentally. He is having a total shocker, and his figures are 7-0-59-0. "The word 'ping'," Says Becca Netherton. "As in: 'I'll just ping you across those figures, yeah?' I know it's been around for a while now, but time has not made it more bearable. It just infuriates me. And it seems to have become common, everyday business language." The 'yeah?' at the end isn't exactly a regular joybringer, either.
45th over: India 221-6 (Raina 14, Harbhajan 8) India have taken the batting Powerplay, and Harbhajan – who can be a dangerous and unorthodox hitter – sweeps for four. That's the first boundary since the 30th over. A wide and three singles make it eight from the over. India certainly aren't out of this. "Rob," says Andrew Moore, "not sure how you reconcile being fantastic in the field with dropping six catches?" Lazy journalism. I meant with the ball, obviously. As in 'win the toss and field first'. That's what I meant. Definitely. Obviously. Never in doubt.
44th over: India 213-6 (Raina 11, Harbhajan 4) A mixed over from Riaz includes two leg-side wides and then a beauty that jags back to take Raina's inside edge before falling a fraction short of Akmal. Six from the over. India have not scored a boundary for 14 overs. "To give you an idea what this means around the world," begins Kulveer Taggar, "I'm in a packed pub in Vancouver, the dhols are out, a flag is being passed around for everyone to sign to commemorate the occasion, every shot is being cheered and applauded, and its 3am in the middle of the night."
43rd over: India 207-6 (Raina 11, Harbhajan 1) Just as there was no need for Pakistan to panic earlier, so there's no need for India to panic now. Pakistan's batsmen can lose from anywhere at the best of times, never mind in a World Cup semi-final against India in India. Ajmal beats Harbhajan with a regal doosra, and Harbhajan then top edges a sweep short of deep backward square. India look very nervous, and Raina survives a run-out referral after being sent back. "I'd like to nominate the constant internet usage of 'FAIL' for Room 101 (e.g. 'I see Prior is opening the batting again: FAIL')," says Jim Clear. "This is especially annoying when accompanied by a # on Twitter or used with the word 'MASSIVE'; especially when this is not true or just over the top whining (e.g. 'my food shopping order is now 2 minutes late so a plague of monkeys on Tesco/Ocado/whoever #MASSIVE FAIL #UKSNOW'). Last time I checked 'fail' was a verb, when did this change? Words fail me... Anyway to complete my list, I'd take the more obvious rugby union, Bono, James Corden and tomatoes."
42nd over: India 205-6 (Raina 10, Harbhajan 0) They will probably find a way to lose this by an innings and 240 runs, but Pakistan have been fantastic in the field from the moment they got rid of Sehwag. Wahab Riaz's figures are 7-0-29-4. "I'm watching the game from a beach front villa in the Seychelles," says Richard O'Hagan. "The afternoon sun is fierce and even the age old trick of burying your feet in the sand isn't keeping me cool, because the sand itself is only mere degrees away from turning into glass. Fortunately, there is something of a breeze and the shade of this big tree is shielding my laptop from the glare of...oh, who am I kidding, I'm in my office in sodding Beaconsfield. Again."
WICKET! India 205-6 (Dhoni LBW b Riaz 25) What a day Wahab Riaz is having. That's his fourth wicket, and the vital one of the dangerous MS Dhoni. He had been dropped two balls earlier, a sharp chance to Kamran Akmal, and then he pushed around a good delivery that jagged back to hit him in front off and middle. Dhoni referred the LBW decision, out of desperation as much as anything, but Simon Taufel is having an outstanding day and replays showed that was another immaculate decision. Dhoni has gone and India are in trouble.
41st over: India 203-5 (Dhoni 24, Raina 9) India need at least one of this batsmen, ideally both, at the crease when they take the Powerplay, so for now they are content to milk a few singles. Just three from that Ajmal over.
40th over: India 200-5 (Dhoni 22, Raina 8) Afridi has a big shout for LBW turned down against Dhoni, who got his bat stuck behind his front pad. I'm pretty sure there was an inside edge and, although Afridi decides to review the decision, there was indeed an inside edge so Dhoni survives. Afridi finishes with figures of 10-0-45-0. "The best fingers in the whole world are to be had at the Madras Cricket Club, India," says Cauvery Madhavan, who has literally tasted every fish finger in the whole world. "A recipe that has evolved over 150 years, first catering to the Pukka Sahibs who slowly got used to spice and then demanded it, then pandering to the tastes of Indians who were increasing being allowed membership and now finally a succulent finger of Surmai fish, marinated in spices, with a hint of onion and coriander leaves, rolled in fine garlicky breadcrumbs, deep fried and served with mint chutney.... Just can't be beaten. A plate of that and a cricket match to watch, brings back memories from my childhood." Anyway, love to stay and chat about this "cricket" match but I'm on the next plane to Madras. Bye!
39th over: India 195-5 (Dhoni 20, Raina 5) Raina just jabs a bat down on a beautiful quicker one from Ajmal. Six from the over, and India will do well to reach 300 now. "I am an Englishman sitting in my office in Ghana," says someone I probably shouldn't name as it'll start a police hunt throughout Ghana. "I'm already five days over my visa, so need to go to immigration to get an extension, but can't tear myself away from the OBO. Too too good. Think I'll wait to the end of the India innings then make a dash for it (or just risk deportation maybe)."
38th over: India 189-5 (Dhoni 18, Raina 1) This is the big partnership now. If one of these goes soon, India will be in real bother. Afridi races through an over for just two singles.
37th over: India 187-5 (Dhoni 17, Raina 0) "Was Michael Whitaker (33rd over) blaming the Room 101 issue on his mother?" says Phil Walsh. "I wonder what Frued would say about that..." Or indeed Freud lol.
WICKET! India 187-5 (c Afridi b Ajmal 85) Finally, finally Shahid Afridi gets his man – not with the ball, but with a sharp low catch at short extra cover when Tendulkar pings a drive off Saeed Ajmal. He just had to get Tendulkar, didn't he? Afridi whips off his cap and strikes the pose: arms skyward and legs spread as far as possible without endangering the fabric around his special place. He's a superstar. Tendulkar's weird but vital innings comes to an end, and India are in a bit of trouble.
36th over: India 185-4 (Tendulkar 84, Dhoni 16) An excellent over from Afridi costs three. I wonder how many times, in those 99 hundreds, Tendulkar was dropped four times. Probably none. "Given that The New Seriousness now seems to be in cricket too," says Alex Netherton, "any chance of telling us what formation India are playing?"
35th over: India 182-4 (Tendulkar 82, Dhoni 15) Stop me if you think you've heard this one before, but Sachin Tendulkar has been dropped. Again. For the fourth time in the innings. He drove Hafeez to mid on, where Umar Akmal made a hopeless mess of a fairly routine leaping catch. He jumped too soon. "World Cup semi-final and you drop the best batsman four times?" says Sourav Ganguly. "It's ridiculous." Hafeez ends with superb figures of 10-0-34-1. "Room 101," says Alex Warwick. "My girlfriend starting to watch Alan Partridge repeats on Dave and discovering most of my jokes come from him. After four and a half years she's finding out the truth, and she can't handle the truth."
34th over: India 177-4 (Tendulkar 77, Dhoni 15) Room 101: when they don't tell you it's a drinks break and you only realise during the third advert and then you have to run or face the alternative, crossing your legs while fighting off all thoughts of Stanley from Magnolia. Anyway, Umar Gul bowls the last over with the old ball, and Tendulkar takes a quick single to point. Gul then bowls a front-foot no-ball, his second of the day, but for the second time India can't get the free hit to the boundary. Tendulkar is now 23 away from an achievement that can barely be comprehended: 100 international hundreds. You can leer at those words all you like but they won't start to make sense for a long, long time. A hundred hundreds in international cricket! "I'm sitting with a bunch of journalists and lawyers in Raipur (21.14°N 81.38°E) (not that far from Nagpur)," says Aman Sethi. "We are supposed to be covering the Maoist Insurgency for our respective newspapers but the courts have closed for the match, the state assembly has adjourned for the day and we are hoping the rebels decide to take the day off as well."
33rd over: India 173-4 (Tendulkar 76, Dhoni 14) "Shabash Hafeez, shabash shabash Hafeez" bellows Kamran Akmal as the splendid Mohammad Hafeez continues his work. Two singles from the over. Who will blink first? "I think I owe it to my English teacher mother," begins Michael Whitaker, "to point out that Room 101 is where your greatest fear is realised not a place to which you consigns things that, y'know, piss you off a bit..." Yeah, and next you'll be telling me the concept wasn't invented by Nick Hancock.
32nd over: India 171-4 (Tendulkar 75, Dhoni 13) Umar Gul is coming on now, so he will have two overs with this old ball. Dhoni, who hasn't reached 40 in his last 15 ODIs, heaves a single through the covers. That's the only run from a good over. "This is a cricket blog?" says Mike Murphy. "Huh, the things you find out when looking for fish finger serving suggestions." Get those expensive German fish fingers. They're an epiphany in breadcrumbs.
31st over: India 170-4 (Tendulkar 75, Dhoni 12) I'm pretty surprised Pakistan are using spin from both ends with this old, reverse-swinging ball. That said, Hafeez is bowling excellently and concedes only two singles. "I'm sitting at my desk at work in Paris, France, desperately looking for live video of the match while I read your OBO," says Mikeal Perreau. "Two days ago, I knew next to nothing about cricket, but now I find I can't concentrate on anything else while Tendulkar is batting. I want nothing more than to see his 100th century, and I'm quite sure I barely know what that means."
30th over: India 168-4 (Tendulkar 74, Dhoni 11) Tendulkar has been dropped off Afridi for the third time! He pushed at a beautiful quicker ball, and the thick edge rebounded off Kamran Akmal's gloves. Those either stick or they don't, although I bet Dhoni and Sangakkara would have taken it. Tendulkar pours some bleach into the wound by driving handsomely over extra cover for four. "I'm 80kms from Mohali," says Rahul Nayyar. "Markets are closed, university declared a half day and a projector and a screen has been erected in the local community centre. The noise is deafening." What comes after deafening? Whatever it is, it's only 26 Tendulkar runs away.
29th over: India 161-4 (Tendulkar 68, Dhoni 11) Dhoni has had a poor tournament with the bat, so he will need a bit more time than usual to play himself in. That allows Hafeez to race through an over for just one single. Hafeez has been excellent. "I love self-service tills – particularly the way they bark orders at you repeatedly and loudly and try to deliberately fluster you," says Matthew West. "The only way I would improve them is to programme them to shout 'You'll pay for that you bastard!' each time you swipe something or bellow out your PIN as you type it in."
28th over: India 160-4 (Tendulkar 67, Dhoni 11) Dhoni works Wahab for three, and then Tendulkar is beaten by another one that swings away late. India will feel fine while Sachin is there; but if he goes, all bets are off. These few overs before the mandatory ball change are so important. Tendulkar gets a boundary off the penultimate delivery after an appalling misfield from Umar Gul at fine leg. Thirty-three to go. Surely he couldn't? Of course he could. "Given that this match has everything... What would you give me for Tendulkar out on 99? Walking to an imperceptible nick perhaps, or a catch that replays show didn't quite carry?" Or to a stinker with both reviews used up. India would love the UDRS then.
27th over: India 150-4 (Tendulkar 61, Dhoni 8) As Mike Atherton says on Sky, surely Umar Gul should be brought back for a bit with this ball reverse swinging. For now it's Hafeez and Dhoni edges another boundary, this one right through the vacant slip area. One more wicket and India will be in something pretty malodorous. "Room 101," says Rachel Clifton. "How about the kind of people who ignore the myriad outlets on the web that give you just the cricket score and commentary in favour of logging onto this OBO coverage and insulting the guy who writes it and the many people who have been reading for years?"
26th over: India 145-4 (Tendulkar 60, Dhoni 4) Dhoni, on the walk, is beaten by the hat-trick ball, and he edges the next wide of slip for four. Wonderful stuff from Wahab Riaz. Whatever you have planned for the next 20 minutes, forget about it. The force is with Pakistan, and when that is the case there is nothing in world sport to compare. "If I want to hear endless stories of petty gripes told without wit or style," begins Luke Dealtry, "I AT LEAST WANT THEM IN CAPS." ROFL!
WICKET! India 141-4 (Yuvraj b Wahab 0) Yuvraj Singh has gone first ball! This is a storming delivery from Wahav Riaz, a reverse inswinging yorker that goes right through Yuvraj and smashes into the base of middle stump. Wahab sets off on a mini lap of honour. Shoaib who? Wahab Riaz is on fire! That is a mighty blow from Pakistan, because Yuvraj has probably been the man of the tournament.
WICKET! India 141-3 (Kohli c U Akmal b Riaz 9) This is an exceptional piece of bowling from Wahab Riaz. Kohli fiddled outside off at a good delivery that moved away just enough to take the edge on its way to backward point, where Umar Akmal took a routine catch. For a split second I thought it was Tendulkar. In fact it's Kohli, and now Yuvraj Singh is striding to the crease. What a match this is. Every time you think India are getting away, Pakistan reel them in again.
25th over: India 141-2 (Tendulkar 60, Kohli 9) There's enough turn here to make India's omission of Ashwin look a bit dubious. It was a decision based on Pakistan's aptitude against spin more than anything. Five singles from Hafeez's over, and we're at the halfway point of the innings.
24th over: India 136-2 (Tendulkar 58, Kohli 6) We're into the Boring Middle Overs, such as they are in this astonishing contest. Wahab Riaz returns in place of Afridi, and Tendulkar opens the face to steer a single to third man, one of three from the over. Tendulkar is beaten by the last ball, driving at a one that wasn't full enough for the shot. He needs just 42 more to send Mohali into an unparalleled collective ecstasy. "Room 101 thoughts," says Hugh Duffy. "How about people who post comments on a cricket blog about something that has nothing to do with cricket – I don't care – just keep us up to date with some commentary and the scores." I don't understand. Are you suggesting the Guardian should change a successful, much-imitated, decade-old format, just because you don't like it? Because that would exhibit a breathtaking, risible arrogance. And I'm sure that's not the case.
23rd over: India 133-2 (Tendulkar 57, Kohli 4) Kohli screws a drive just short of the bowler Hafeez. That's another fine over from Hafeez, with just three singles from it. "How sharp is Kamral Akmal's keeping today?" says John Starbuck. "If he's on song, which it seems he is given the recent attempted stumping, it makes big a difference to Pakistan's chances and really raises the bar for India's batsmen. Outfielders dropping them isn't good but if the keeper has a 'mare it'll be hopeless." He has been excellent. The stumping of Tendulkar that went to the third umpire was a beautiful piece of work.
22nd over: India 130-2 (Tendulkar 56, Kohli 2) Tendulkar reaches his fifty with a beautiful stroke, lofting Afridi over extra cover for four. Then he opens the face to steer four more just past Kamran Akmal's right leg. There have been some gorgeous strokes, as there always are when Tendulkar bats, but he has had some serious fortune as well. This is a fascinating contest between Afridi and Tendulkar. "If I want to hear endless stories of petty gripes told without wit or style," says Matt Emerson, "I'll go and see Michael MacIntyre, not read them on an OBO report...." I don't understand. Do you mean you're heading to an alternative OBO report, because if so that's fine – we're sorry to see you go, but obviously it's your right. However, if you're suggesting the Guardian should change a successful, much-imitated, decade-old format, just because you don't like it, well that would exhibit a breathtaking, risible arrogance. And I'm sure that's not the case.
21st over: India 120-2 (Tendulkar 47, Kohli 1) This is a fine little spell from Hafeez. Only one single from that over, so his figures are now 3-0-11-1. "Tendulkar century, Super Over and OBO breakdown (over 10) not enough," says Sumit Rahman. " I want a Duckworth/Lewis misreading by a captain or batsman, a power cut during a review of a Tendulkar referral when he is on 98, a surprise announcement from Seb Coe that cricket will be an Olympic sport for London 2012 and a massive series of match-fixing revelations from Wikileaks that lead to a number of countries being thrown out of the World Cup leaving Bangladesh in the final. But still all in CAPS."
20th over: India 119-2 (Tendulkar 46, Kohli 1) Tendulkar has been dropped again! This is ridiculous. It was a straightforward chance as well, as he flashed a wide delivery from Afridi to the right of Younis Khan at cover. It was hit very hard, but that should certainly have been taken. Tendulkar's 100th hundred might well be his filthiest.
19th over: India 116-2 (Tendulkar 44, Kohli 0) Apart from a facial resemblance to Danny Dyer, Virat Kohli is a class act. This, however, is the ultimate test. "Segueing nicely from Alex Warwick in Over 9, this also applies to supermarket self-service tills," says Guy Hornsby. "A good idea in practice, an Orwellian nightmare in reality. People that queue for ages, then only when they get to the till and put their items through do they get their bag out, go through its depths, get wallet/purse out, then decide on card, then pay, then when they've done that, go through the whole thing in reverse. It's like Chinese water torture, and if I'd had any hair left I'd have pulled it out waiting. It's enough to make me commit violence, but I've often lost the will to live by the time I get to the till. Infuriating."
WICKET! India 116-2 (Gambhir st K Akmal b Hafeez 27) Beautiful bowling from Mohammad Hafeez. He sensed that Gambhir was coming down the track, so he dragged the ball a touch shorter and it turned sharply past the outside edge for Kamran Akmal to complete the stumping. That's a big scalp for Pakistan, because Gambhir is India's best middle-overs nurdler.
18th over: India 114-1 (Tendulkar 43, Gambhir 26) Tendulkar edges a good delivery from Afridi along the ground to backward point. Afridi is bowling splendidly here, with that mesmeric rhythm, but Tendulkar releases what pressure there is with a beautifully timed chip down the ground for four. Those are the only runs from a fascinating over.
17th over: India 110-1 (Tendulkar 39, Gambhir 24) Mohammad Hafeez replaces Saeed Ajmal. I think that's a good move; let Ajmal calm down in the outfield for a bit after a very unlucky spell of 4-0-20-0. Hafeez's offspinners are very handy, although Gambhir slaps a superb cut wide of backward point for four. He is playing the spinners exquisitely. Eight from the over. Anyway, this is a wonderful email from Mark O'Neil, exactly the kind of petty gripe we encourage round here. "Room 101? BBC weatherpersons who editorialise the weather. I want to know whether it is going to be wet, dry, the wind speed and the air temperature where I live. Not whether they think it is 'a bit nasty, so you'll want to wrap up warm ' or 'a good day to get out in the garden'. I'll make the decisions. If I want to run around naked in the local park in a rainstorm that's between me and the law."
16th over: India 102-1 (Tendulkar 38, Gambhir 18) Three singles from Afridi's over. India still look good for 300. That would be a huge test for Pakistan, not so much their talent as their temperament. "I'm sorry Rob but 'How can you not love Shahid Afridi?'" sniffs Chris Plume. "The man's got the most arrogant celebration in world cricket and is a serial cheat – when he's not biting the ball he's using an exploding drinks vehicle as cover while he deliberately scuffs up the pitch. He is very unloveable in my humble opinion…." Like I said during a similar discussion last week...
15th over: India 99-1 (Tendulkar 37, Gambhir 18) Tendulkar plays a lovely paddle sweep for four. Ajmal may be starting to feel a bit sorry for himself, particularly when Tendulkar edges a gorgeous doosra through the vacant slip area for four. If they had a first slip he would have gone. Ian Gould, who was rattled by that LBW decision being overturned, originally gave it as byes but then changed his decision after seeing a big edge on the replay. Despite a relatively calm period, India are still going at more than a run a ball. "People who say 'lol' or 'rofl' when they're clearly doing neither," says Norrie Hernon. I've never understood why nobody either types 'ROFLOL'. Take it to the next level.
14th over: India 90-1 (Tendulkar 29, Gambhir 15) Another life for Tendulkar! This is staggering. He rocked back to pull Afridi, and Misbah at midwicket spilled a sharp but eminently catchable chance. Afridi pats Tendulkar on the shoulder and smiles, a very nice touch. How can you not love Shahid Afridi? He is charisma incarnate, and he has a nice beard as well. Six from the over, all in ones and twos. Gambhir is a great man to have in against Ajmal and Afridi, because he manoeuvres the ball so deftly. "You realise this will go down in history as the most read OBO ever?" says Mark Hooper. "No pressure.." If you can survive the seventh ODI in Australia, you can survive anything.
13th over: India 84-1 (Tendulkar 27, Gambhir 12) Gambhir is a good nurdler of spin – all the best nurdlers are left-handed – and he opens the face to steer Ajmal's last ball classily for four. Ajmal boots the turf in disgust. This is going to go off at some stage, isn't it? There's bound to be at least one mild roister-doister, to use Scott Murray's beloved phrase. "Do you get the feeling," says Andrew Benbow, "that this could just be the moment that India learns to love the review system?"
12th over: India 79-1 (Tendulkar 26, Gambhir 8) There's a new bowler. Baldrick will tell you who it is. Afridi whistles through his first over at a cost of three singles. Everyone is still digesting that incredible double reprieve for Tendulkar. "I'd like to put 'raising awareness' into Room 101," says Dan Smith. "You are doing jack all to help cancer victims/overworked donkeys/gender inequality in the boardroom by changing your Facebook profile picture to a Thundercat. Also: people who address other people as 'hun'. Also: people."
11th over: India 76-1 (Tendulkar 24, Gambhir 6) Can I have a lie down please? "Do you get the feeling," says Andrew Benbow, "that this could just be the moment that India learns to love the review system?"
REVIEW: India 75-1 (Tendulkar st Akmal b Ajmal 23) This is incredible – Tendulkar has survived two reviews in two balls! This one was a third-umpire review for a stumping. He overbalanced as he pushed at a beauty from Ajmal, and Kamran Akmal had the bails off in a flash. Akmal was certain it was out, and Simon Taufel went upstairs to check, but replays showed that Tendulkar had just jabbed his back foot down in time. It was painfully close, so tight as to make Spandex seem like a baggy item of clothing from the Madchester era, but there was no way the third umpire could have given him out.
REVIEW: India 75-1 (Tendulkar LBW b Ajmal 23) Astonishing stuff: Tendulkar has had an LBW decision overturned on review! The crowd are going mad. He pushed defensively at a curving, fizzing delivery from Ajmal that hit him around off and middle stump. It looked a great shout, and he was given out by Ian Gould, but after a bit of discussion with Gautam Gambhir he decided to risk India's final review. And it was a great decision, because replays showed the ball was spinning past leg stump. Amazing. Ian Gould shakes his head, and Tendulkar continues.
10th over: India 73-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 6) Wahab strays onto Tendulkar's pads and the ball flies away for four leg byes. The match has calmed down a bit since Sehwag's dismissal; its pulse rate is only about 250 now. We're a tenth of the way through the match, and I need a lie down. "I want a Tendulkar Century, a Super Over and a OBO breakdown... in CAPS!" says Frazer Hope. "Just to let you know I had yesterday off for my birthday and went to Canterbury only to find out that the scuzzy second-hand record shop has closed. The above demands need to be met, or just recommend a similar record shop." You mean Parrot Records? That's been shut for years. I miss that place. [Swoon]I bought my first ever Sleeper record there [/swoon].
9th over: India 68-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 3) It's time for the spin, with the mystery offspinner Saeed Ajmal coming into the attack. Gambhir is almost beaten by a beautiful doosra and then milks three runs. A good, order-restoring over for Pakistan. There's no need for them to panic. India got off to similar flyers against England and South Africa and did not win either of those games. "Room 101," says Alex Warwick. "People who get to the front of the cash point queue. Then get their card out after have a good five minutes to ready themselves. Then get a paper statement, which they stare at in disbelief. Then get their card out, and pop another one in to repeat the action." Ah, yes, I used to dislike people who used a cash point with two different cards, but then I thought, Maybe they are just utterly skint and chancing it with various cards to see if they can withdraw a tenner to buy some fish fingers. So I felt guilty for hating them, and hated myself instead.
8th over: India 65-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 2) An awesome piece of timing from Tendulkar, whose gentle push off Riaz races through midwicket for four. He is then duped by a smart slower ball from Wahab that grips and hits him on the hip, but responds with a thrilling square drive for four. He looks in sumptuous touch. Can you imagine the noise if he gets his 100th hundred today.
7th over: India 57-1 (Tendulkar 15, Gambhir 2) Sehwag has gone but Umar Gul is still haemorrhaging runs. A poor delivery on the pads is tickled fine for four by Tendulkar, who then times three more through the coverse. Gul's figures are an R-rated 4-0-41-0. "If you needed any other evidence that today's semi is a biggie, here in Norway must be the place to look," says Geoff May. "The national television station, NRK1, has cleared out its daytime schedule to show the entire game live. First time ever that cricket has been shown on Noggy TV, so I am told. Hopefully they will have found some interesting commentators for it; I'm looking forward to my colleagues asking what a pinny is and why Boycott's mother would use it to catch balls."
6th over: India 49-1 (Tendulkar 8, Gambhir 1) Excellent stuff from Wahab Riaz: just two runs and that crucial wicket. "Room 101," says Peter Mattessi. "People who employ stupid, moronic, infantile internet speak, written or spoken. 'Oh noes', 'I haz a hunger', 'respek' etc. Grow up you effing imbeciles." But... but... but... look at the cute cat!
WICKET! India 48-1 (Sehwag LBW b Wahab Riaz 38) Silence in Mohali. Virender Sehwag has gone! Wahab Riaz replaced Abdul Razzaq and struck with his fifth ball. It was homed in towards middle and leg from over the wicket, not bouncing as much as we might have expected, and was certainly hitting the stumps as Sehwag flicked desperately around his front pad. Simon Taufel gave it out, but Sehwag reviewed the decision straight away, presumably thinking or hoping it pitched outside leg. It didn't, and he has to go after a storming innings of 38 from 25 balls.
5th over: India 47-0 (Sehwag 38, Tendulkar 8) Another over, two more boundaries for Sehwag. The first was crunched wristily through midwicket when Gul overpitched just a touch. You could almost hear the boing of his wrists as he played the stroke. Two balls later he reached high above his head to steer a slower, wider bouncer over backward point and away for four. Pakistan surely have to go to spin soon. "I'm a British Pakistani on a road trip with a British Indian, from London to jerusalem in an old Mercedes 190," says Zubair Shah. "Today we are in Damascus and I'm desperately trying to find somewhere showing the game. There are 1014 channels on my hotel TV showing everything in the world but no cricket. Maybe I should have listened to my mum and stayed at home. OBO Zindabad is all I can say!"
4th over: India 39-0 (Sehwag 30, Tendulkar 8) I already have 70 unread email so, er, PLEASE STOP keep 'em coming. And apologies if I don't get round to yours. It's not me, it's you. Or something. Early impressions are that this is a 300 pitch, and Sehwag's start means that Tendulkar can play his usual game – anchoring the innings at a strike rate of 100. He squirts Razzaq past point for three and then Sehwag smears a disdainful boundary down the ground. Utter contempt. He has raced to 30 from 17 balls, and when he gets off strike Tendulkar completes another expensive over with a classical extra-cover drive for four. "Room 101 candidate," begins Harkarn Sumal. "The first time that I heard anyone using the word 'texed' as a past tense of 'text' (the recently coined noun), I despaired at the riff-raff. But now that it seems to have crept in to common usage I've taken this as my cue to entirely give up on modern civilisation. My wife's started doing it now and this pretty much guarantees one major domestic every week, along the lines of 'why can't you say it properly?' – invariably triggering the default response 'Why are you completely useless in every respect?' and a great big hufty strop."
3rd over: India 27-0 (Sehwag 25, Tendulkar 1) Astonishing stuff from Virender Sehwag, who has just smacked Umar Gul's second over for 21! It includes an amazing five boundaries – two to midwicket and one each through square leg, backward point and cover – and also a front-foot no-ball. Gul is Pakistan's best seamer, and Sehwag has just treated him like Martin McCague. "I've travelled for four hours on local Kentish buses (Room 101 please!) to visit my gran," says Niall Harden. "She has Sky Sports. Pure coincidence." I hope she's cancelled her subscription without telling you, and has only the five basic channels and an Are You Being Served DVD.
2nd over: India 6-0 (Sehwag 5, Tendulkar 1) Pakistan decide not to open with spin, despite the success of that tactic in the quarter-final defenestration of the West Indies, so it will be Abdul Razzaq to share the new ball. Accurate medium pacers have given Tendulkar a few problems down the years – none more so than Hansie Cronje, absurd as that sounds – and he is watchful for a few deliveries before getting off the mark with a very tight single to mid on. Wahab Riaz's throw missed the stumps, although I think Tendulkar was just home. Two singles from the over. "I'd like to put into Room 101 people asking bar staff if they can 'get' whatever they want to order," says Phil Lamb. "'Can I get a pint of Amstel?' No, you can't. The bar staff will get it." That's the kind of wonderfully minor thing that we should include. I love the idea of Phil Lamb's entire Friday night out being ruined by some punter's frivolous use of the word 'get'.
1st over: India 4-0 (Sehwag 4, Tendulkar 0) Umar Gul roars in to bowl the first ball, and Sehwag plays and misses at a filthy wide delivery. There is usually a bit of [Michael Holding voice] pace and bounce [/Michael Holding voice] at Mohali, and the general consensus is that this is a belter. Sehwag gets the party started with an effortless cover drive for four off the third delivery, holding the pose theatrically at the end of his follow through. Gul responds with a good one that beats Sehwag's angled-bat force. A lively start.
"You're just two games away from being the first OBOer to avoid the World Cup meltdown," says Alex Netherton, who is referring to an, a-hem, proud Guardian cricket World Cup tradition in evidence here and here. Don't worry, Alex: if this game goes to a Super Over, the only word I'll be capable of typing will be 'Wibble'.
Where are you watching today's game? Tell us your stories, obviously the more interesting the better. An 'I'm at work in Farringdon eating cheese bread and filling in some forms' probably isn't that interesting.
Statgasm department Pakistan have never beaten India at a World Cup or a World Twenty20.
Recycling old riffs department What would you put in Room 101? Not the obvious stuff – smoking, Toploader, football, the internet, eye contact – but the little things that annoy you inordinately. Like the word 'tweeps'. And the word 'peeps'. And trendy shop assistants in trendy shops who are too hip and trendy and very to bother with the word pounds, and instead say "that's 20 please". Twenty what? Pence? Clams? Epiphanies? Seconds to comply?
"Usually," says Ian Copestake, "squeaky bum time is reserved for the end of matches, not before they've even begun."
Previously on India v Pakistan… We tend not to do Joy of Sixes on cricket, but if we had done India v Pakistan, the list might have been something like this: Javed Miandad's legendary last-ball six to win the Australasia Cup final of 1986… Anil Kumble's ten-for in 1999… Wasim Akram's astonishing over to Rahul Dravid, also in 1999... Javed Miandad getting friendly with Kiran More in 1992… Sunny Gavaskar's heroic 96 in his final Test innings (and in a stunning series decider, with which the unfamiliar should acquaint themselves quick smart) … and Majid Khan's response to some negative bowling from Kapil Dev in 1978.
India have won the toss, to wild cheers, and will bat first. They have brought in the left-arm seamer Ashish Nehra for the offspinner Ravichandran Ashwin. Pakistan are unchanged, which means no place for Shoaib Akhtar. Bah! Shahid Afridi, emitting his usual hyperactive cool, announces that the toss isn't important anyway, and that the pitch will help the spinners.
India Sehwag, Tendulkar, Gambhir, Kohli, Yuvraj, Dhoni (c/wk), Raina, Harbhajan, Zaheer, Patel, Nehra.
Pakistan Hafeez, K Akmal (wk), Shafiq, Younis, Misbah, U Akmal, Afridi (c), Razzaq, Wahab, Gul, Ajmal.
The mood of the day, captured in one email from Waqas Mir "Bloodyhellbloodyhellbloodyhell!"
Preamble Morning. There has been so much hype about this game that it's important we put it in perspective. It is, after all, only the biggest game in cricket history. The fact that the winners go through to a World Cup final is almost incidental. This is India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan.
Everybody wants to win cricket matches, but it's hard to imagine that anybody has ever needed to win a match as much as these sides today. Take the thing you have needed the most in your life – to hold the hand of The One, perhaps, or a fish-finger sandwich when all you have to cook in the flat is bread, fresh air and some intimidatingly funky cheese – multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near. Those of us born and raised in Britain have not got a clue how big this game is.
There is an obvious hope concern that it will kick off, and at least one of the losing team will probably have their house stoned tonight, but hopefully the cricket will take precedence. Both sides have otherworldly talents – and the pick of them, Sachin Tendulkar, is on 99 international centuries. If he becomes the first man to reach a hundred hundreds today, the entire known universe may grind to a halt.
source : http://www.guardian.co.uk/
(target 261; Shafiq 13, Younis 2) Nehra replaces Patel. Anyone out there?
17th over: Pakistan 77-2 (target 261; Shafiq 13, Younis 2)
Shafiq gives Harbhajan the charge and crunches a bump ball back over Harbhajan's head for four. A boundary from the first ball puts such pressure on a bowler, but Bhaji pulls it round splendidly with just one additional single. "Most popular OBO?" says James Smith. "Can't be 2005 as it was on Channel 4, won't be 2006-07 as that tour never happened. So I reckon day 5 at Lord's in 2009. When Freddie became Jesus." Nup. Think about it – that game was over before lunch, so we didn't have a full day of hot, steamy F5 action.
16th over: Pakistan 72-2 (target 261; Shafiq 8, Younis 2) Munaf Patel's last two overs have cost just two. Where's your money? I've got a feeling Zaheer Khan is going to win this. I don't know why. "Something weird is going on chez moi this afternoon, Rob," says Clare Davies. "For the first time since 7 January (Sydney Test – last day), my small fierce black cat is sitting very quietly on my lap for the cricket. Through the first innings, as during most of this tournament, she yowled and paced and clawed the carpet. Now all is peaceful – she is obviously gripped."
WICKET! Pakistan 70-2 (Hafeez c Dhoni b Patel 43) This is a wretched shot from Mohammad Hafeez. He tried a premeditated lap at a ball from Patel that was far too wide of off stump, and it shaved the edge on its way through to Dhoni. That's a shocking stroke! India celebrate wildly, and that has the feeling of a Big Moment. What is it with Pakistan batsmen and lap strokes against India?
15th over: Pakistan 70-1 (target 261; Hafeez 43, Shafiq 8) A rare poor delivery from Harbhajan is punished appropriately by Shafiq, who rocks back to slam a short one through the covers for four. Seven from the over. "Shameless plug," says Nicholas Goold, "but I'm also an OBOer/lurker and my band, The Lost Cavalry, played a while back with Niall Harden's Heliopause at Brixton Windmill (very good they were) and we too have a free song out. What to put in Room 101? Shameless plugs."
14th over: Pakistan 63-1 (target 261; Hafeez 41, Shafiq 3) This is a good spell for India. You can sense the walls closing in ever so slightly on the Pakistan batsmen, and the nervous Shafiq plays and misses at a wide, swinging delivery from Patel. A maiden from Patel, so that means Pakistan have scored just 12 from the last four overs. "To combine two themes," begins Mike Gibbons, "I would hurl into Room 101 any pub that uses ciabatta bread for a fish finger sandwich as an excuse to charge in the region of £5.50 (without chips for heaven's sake) for the privilege, as if the magic words 'ciabatta' and 'lime mayonnaise' lift it from a simple but delicious snack and into the realms of haute cuisine."
13th over: Pakistan 63-1 (target 261; Hafeez 41, Shafiq 3) Bhaji's ten overs are crucial at the best of times, but even more so today as he is the only frontline spinner. Shafiq drives in the air but the ball is wide of Harbhajan and drops short anyway. Four singles from the over. "I would like to 101 (if I may abbreviate) the use of the word 'nightmare'," says Stuart Wilson. "In particular an Essex secretary might text to her friend 'OMG, nightmare, internet down at work all day and haven't been able to post those pictures of us drinking cheeky vimtos on facebook. LOL!'. For me a nightmare is when you awake in the middle of the night to find Gary Naylor an axe-wielding maniac standing next to your bed." Your suggestion of Naylor brings this to mind (warning: has adult language, etc, etc).
12th over: Pakistan 59-1 (target 261; Hafeez 39, Shafiq 1) A poor delivery from Patel, short on leg stump, is touched fine for four by Hafeez. He is having quite a day, having bowled ten economical overs earlier. Anyway, I had the link to Niall Harden's band wrong between innings. You can get their free EP here. "The thing I'd put in Room 101 is people who finish statements with the words 'End of'," says Phil Sawyer. "No, just because you've offered an opinion doesn't mean it's enshrined in some sort of universal law. Also, from my detailed statistical analysis, I find that 97.3 of people who end their arguments with 'End of' are invariably wrong. End of."
11th over: Pakistan 54-1 (Hafeez 34, Shafiq 1) Hello again. Do you realise? Not that you have the most beautiful face, or that every one you know, someday, will die. But this is going to the last over, maybe the last ball, maybe even the last ball of the Super Over. It is going to happen. It's the way it has to be. Harbhajan is coming into the attack, and his third ball almost brings a wicket when Hafeez pushes one back to Harbhajan on the half volley.
10th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 24) Despite the wicket, the runs continue to flow like obscenities from Johnny Rotten's mouth; another lovely shot - this time through mid-off - from Hafeez brings a boundary, and another one follows from a pull that bounces just before Khan before leaping over him. Despite that risky shot, Hafeez really is really is playing beautifully. Meanwhile lots of suggestions from the most read OBO, including Edgbaston 2005, Old Trafford final day 2005 (Mark Lloyd), and 29 December 2010 (Michael Johnson). Keep them coming to rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk.
9th over: WICKET! Akmal c Yuvraj b Khan 19 (Pakistan 44-1) Khan returns with a wicket as Akmal slashes to Yuvraj at gully! That's 18 wickets for Khan in this tournament so far. At this stage, India were 63-1. "As someone wishing to take advantage of the social mobility in this country, could someone tell whether rackets is posher than real tennis?" asks Piers Barclay. "The winner of that one is where we should all be aiming."
8th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 24) The pitch continues to be as jobsworth-helpful to the Indian bowlers. Another over, another Hafeez boundary - this time over midwicket. The average opening partnership for Pakistan in this tournament has been 28.8 ... but the way the ball is going off the bat that average will quickly be going up. "Can we have a game of 'guess what the most viewed OBO ever is?'" asks William Hardy. By all means, William ...
7th over: Pakistan 38-0 (Akmal 19, Hafeez 19) A breezy boundary each for Akmal and Hafeez keeps Pakistan ahead of the run rate; so far this is going swimmingly for the visitors. "The OBO is now at the cutting edge of 21st century education," claims Jamie Kirkaldy. "I have just set my GCSE English class the challenge of being the first person to get an email published on the OBO. They have a computer each so if you spend the next hour inundated with semi-coherent, unpunctuated, nonsensical teenage ramblings, from people with email addresses like da_bizineess_innit@hotmail.com, blame the system their primary schools." Ah, that explains it.
6th over: Pakistan 29-0 (Akmal 15, Hafeez 13) This is better from India; just one run off Nehra's third over (3-0-11-0). Meanwhile more Room 101 suggestions: "I really hate it when people say 'quite unique' when what they should be saying is "rare", says Qaisar Lataf. "Also 'safe haven'; is it possible to have an unsafe haven?" Er, the City Tube station that was bombed in the Blitz?
5th over: Pakistan 28-0 (Akmal 15, Hafeez 13) Munaf Patel replaces Zaheer Khan and immediate lifts the crowd with a delivery with plenty of of zigazigah; a leg cutter that pitches on off-stump and moves about six inches to beat Akmal's bat. The rest of the over is just as spiky, and there are just two runs from it. Despite Pakistan's start, it's worth remembering that India were 51-0 at this point. "What is it about Gloucestershire and posh racket sports?" asks Paddy Murphy - a question that I'm particularly ill-advised to answer. "I had a mate at university who struggled to get into our 2nd XI and promptly secured a contract with Gloucestershire on leaving. The county then got him a job coaching Real Tennis in the off season despite the fact that he had no background in playing that either. Actually, maybe he just talked himself up well. He did tell a story about returning from the toilet one day to find Fred West chatting up his girlfriend."
4th over: Pakistan 26-0 (Akmal 13, Hafeez 13) Pakistan continue to chancelessly accumulate - a sweet caress from Hafeez brought another boundary that over. The pitch isn't doing much, the crowd is curiously flat, and Pakistan are now favourites with the bookies. "I'm in school," says Hassan Cristi. "It's so funny how were not even learning anything but instead have our butts glued in front of the big screen just watching the cricket whilst our teacher is just talking about how he is in the Ashes book." Happy days Hassan. Reminds me that I was at sixth-form college in Luton when Pakistan won the the 1992 World Cup - there was plenty of the flag-waving and car klaxons that day. And not much studying.
3rd over: Pakistan 20-0 (Akmal 12, Hafeez 8) The Mohali crowd goes 5am quiet after Hafeez flicks Khan through midwicket for four, but the excited gabbing soon starts up again when the Pakistani batsman risk two quick singles in three deliveries. Twice Tendulkar shies at the stumps; twice he misses. "The fact that my initial reaction was 'There's a sport posher than squash?" (mid-innings break) probably means the Rackets isn't for me," says Ian Mowat.
2nd over: Pakistan 12-0 (Akmal 9, Hafeez 3) Pakistan aren't great at chasing - their top five run chases over past year are 289, 275, 264, 178, 164 (thanks to Ed Hawkins) - but they're going about their business with no alarms or surprises so far. Four off Ashish Nehra's first over. "I don't know if this counts as 'interesting,' but I'm the offspring of two-American born parents, no connection to the Commonwealth whatsoever, never left North America, staying up all night to tweet the game in Spanish," says Eric Vinyl.
1st over: Pakistan 8-0 (Akmal 8, Hafeez 0) Lovely stuff from Kamran Akmal, who steers Zaheer Khan's opening delivery through cover point for a boundary before doubling his tally with a drive straight down the ground. There was some encouragement for India in that over, mind - one delivery kept lower than Berlin property prices. Meanwhile my colleague Paolo Bandini tweets: "Just been in central London - where I saw a mob of about 30 cricket fans standing in rain watching a telly through a shop window." I'm sure that's a common occurrence throughout the world; incidentally this match is already the second-most viewed OBO of the tournament on the Guardian website.
INNINGS BREAK
50th over: India 260-9 (Raina 36, Patel 0) Raina drives the last ball of the innings for a couple. That is such a good last over from Wahab Riaz, with just four from it. He ends with marvellous figures of 10-0-46-5. Shahid Afridi calls his team into a huddle before the leave the field, and you would say that Pakistan are slight favourites. They need 261 to win. Sean Ingle will be calling this journalism for the first 10 overs of the Pakistan reply, which begins in 20 minutes. You can email him at sean.ingle@guardian.co.uk. See you for the last 40 overs of the Pakistan innings, and the Super Overs.
WICKET! India 258-9 (Nehra run out 1) Ashish Nehra takes one for the team, sacrificing himself so that Raina can get on strike for the final delivery. Nehra missed the ball and, with Raina safe, the keeper Kamran Akmal was smart enough to lob the throw to the bowler's end for Wahab to do the rest.
WICKET! India 256-8 (c K Akmal b Wahab 9) This is the greatest day of Wahab Riaz's life. He has picked up his fifth wicket, with Zaheer edging a huge heave to Kamran Akmal. Wahab gets to his knees to kiss the turf, and there are four balls remaining.
49th over: India 256-7 (Raina 33, Zaheer 9) Umar Gul will bowl the penultimate over. Raina tickles the first ball off the pads, and Wahab Riaz at short fine leg does brilliantly to save four. Younis Khan at long off does likewise later in the over. After four singles and a two, Raina finally gets a boundary off the last delivery with a brilliant flick behind square. Ten from the over, and Umar Gul – Pakistan's banker, usually – ends with figures of 8-0-69-0. They flatter him; he's been that bad. "It would be helpful if you could explain what a batting Powerplay is," says Christopher Squire. "Not all of your readers have been following this contest closely up to now." It would also help if I had 47 fingers. I'm afraid we have to assume some knowledge, but you can read about batting Powerplays here.
48th over: India 246-7 (Raina 25, Zaheer 7) Wahab Riaz replaces Umar Gul. India's lower order are playing recklessly when all they need to do is get Raina on strike. Zaheer is very lucky that a false stroke loops high over the covers and lands safely, and then he gets a big leading edge over point for four. In other news, here's a simple email: "You call this journalism?" I would tell you who the email is from, but if I do that it would come tantalisingly close to justifying his existence.
47th over: India 237-7 (Raina 24, Zaheer 1) That's a brilliant final over from Ajmal, costing just three. He ends with figures of 10-0-44-2. He is a master. Talking of masters, Lord Selvey has just stirred and has dictated this message to his humble servant, Bull. "Room 101? People who say 'less' when they mean 'fewer'. Oh, and lager of course. Well crap lager anyway and no need to mention which."
WICKET! India 236-7 (Harbhajan st K Akmal b Ajmal 12) Saeed Ajmal 1-0 Harbhajan Singh. Ajmal saw Harbhajan coming and beat him with a lovely doosra, allowing Akmal to do the rest as Harbhajan wafted down the Bakerloo line. That's a poor stroke.
46th over: India 235-6 (Raina 23, Harbhajan 12) Umar Gul is back and will probably bowl out from this end. Unless, say, his first over back is a complete stinker that disappears for 14. Which is precisely what has just happened. Raina clubs the first ball back over Umar Gul's head for four and drives the third through extra cover for another boundary. Could he do to Gul what Ajay Jadeja did to Waqar in the quarter-final of 1996? He gets off strike with a single, and then Harbhajan helps an errant attempted yorker to fine leg for four. Umar Gul has gone mentally. He is having a total shocker, and his figures are 7-0-59-0. "The word 'ping'," Says Becca Netherton. "As in: 'I'll just ping you across those figures, yeah?' I know it's been around for a while now, but time has not made it more bearable. It just infuriates me. And it seems to have become common, everyday business language." The 'yeah?' at the end isn't exactly a regular joybringer, either.
45th over: India 221-6 (Raina 14, Harbhajan 8) India have taken the batting Powerplay, and Harbhajan – who can be a dangerous and unorthodox hitter – sweeps for four. That's the first boundary since the 30th over. A wide and three singles make it eight from the over. India certainly aren't out of this. "Rob," says Andrew Moore, "not sure how you reconcile being fantastic in the field with dropping six catches?" Lazy journalism. I meant with the ball, obviously. As in 'win the toss and field first'. That's what I meant. Definitely. Obviously. Never in doubt.
44th over: India 213-6 (Raina 11, Harbhajan 4) A mixed over from Riaz includes two leg-side wides and then a beauty that jags back to take Raina's inside edge before falling a fraction short of Akmal. Six from the over. India have not scored a boundary for 14 overs. "To give you an idea what this means around the world," begins Kulveer Taggar, "I'm in a packed pub in Vancouver, the dhols are out, a flag is being passed around for everyone to sign to commemorate the occasion, every shot is being cheered and applauded, and its 3am in the middle of the night."
43rd over: India 207-6 (Raina 11, Harbhajan 1) Just as there was no need for Pakistan to panic earlier, so there's no need for India to panic now. Pakistan's batsmen can lose from anywhere at the best of times, never mind in a World Cup semi-final against India in India. Ajmal beats Harbhajan with a regal doosra, and Harbhajan then top edges a sweep short of deep backward square. India look very nervous, and Raina survives a run-out referral after being sent back. "I'd like to nominate the constant internet usage of 'FAIL' for Room 101 (e.g. 'I see Prior is opening the batting again: FAIL')," says Jim Clear. "This is especially annoying when accompanied by a # on Twitter or used with the word 'MASSIVE'; especially when this is not true or just over the top whining (e.g. 'my food shopping order is now 2 minutes late so a plague of monkeys on Tesco/Ocado/whoever #MASSIVE FAIL #UKSNOW'). Last time I checked 'fail' was a verb, when did this change? Words fail me... Anyway to complete my list, I'd take the more obvious rugby union, Bono, James Corden and tomatoes."
42nd over: India 205-6 (Raina 10, Harbhajan 0) They will probably find a way to lose this by an innings and 240 runs, but Pakistan have been fantastic in the field from the moment they got rid of Sehwag. Wahab Riaz's figures are 7-0-29-4. "I'm watching the game from a beach front villa in the Seychelles," says Richard O'Hagan. "The afternoon sun is fierce and even the age old trick of burying your feet in the sand isn't keeping me cool, because the sand itself is only mere degrees away from turning into glass. Fortunately, there is something of a breeze and the shade of this big tree is shielding my laptop from the glare of...oh, who am I kidding, I'm in my office in sodding Beaconsfield. Again."
WICKET! India 205-6 (Dhoni LBW b Riaz 25) What a day Wahab Riaz is having. That's his fourth wicket, and the vital one of the dangerous MS Dhoni. He had been dropped two balls earlier, a sharp chance to Kamran Akmal, and then he pushed around a good delivery that jagged back to hit him in front off and middle. Dhoni referred the LBW decision, out of desperation as much as anything, but Simon Taufel is having an outstanding day and replays showed that was another immaculate decision. Dhoni has gone and India are in trouble.
41st over: India 203-5 (Dhoni 24, Raina 9) India need at least one of this batsmen, ideally both, at the crease when they take the Powerplay, so for now they are content to milk a few singles. Just three from that Ajmal over.
40th over: India 200-5 (Dhoni 22, Raina 8) Afridi has a big shout for LBW turned down against Dhoni, who got his bat stuck behind his front pad. I'm pretty sure there was an inside edge and, although Afridi decides to review the decision, there was indeed an inside edge so Dhoni survives. Afridi finishes with figures of 10-0-45-0. "The best fingers in the whole world are to be had at the Madras Cricket Club, India," says Cauvery Madhavan, who has literally tasted every fish finger in the whole world. "A recipe that has evolved over 150 years, first catering to the Pukka Sahibs who slowly got used to spice and then demanded it, then pandering to the tastes of Indians who were increasing being allowed membership and now finally a succulent finger of Surmai fish, marinated in spices, with a hint of onion and coriander leaves, rolled in fine garlicky breadcrumbs, deep fried and served with mint chutney.... Just can't be beaten. A plate of that and a cricket match to watch, brings back memories from my childhood." Anyway, love to stay and chat about this "cricket" match but I'm on the next plane to Madras. Bye!
39th over: India 195-5 (Dhoni 20, Raina 5) Raina just jabs a bat down on a beautiful quicker one from Ajmal. Six from the over, and India will do well to reach 300 now. "I am an Englishman sitting in my office in Ghana," says someone I probably shouldn't name as it'll start a police hunt throughout Ghana. "I'm already five days over my visa, so need to go to immigration to get an extension, but can't tear myself away from the OBO. Too too good. Think I'll wait to the end of the India innings then make a dash for it (or just risk deportation maybe)."
38th over: India 189-5 (Dhoni 18, Raina 1) This is the big partnership now. If one of these goes soon, India will be in real bother. Afridi races through an over for just two singles.
37th over: India 187-5 (Dhoni 17, Raina 0) "Was Michael Whitaker (33rd over) blaming the Room 101 issue on his mother?" says Phil Walsh. "I wonder what Frued would say about that..." Or indeed Freud lol.
WICKET! India 187-5 (c Afridi b Ajmal 85) Finally, finally Shahid Afridi gets his man – not with the ball, but with a sharp low catch at short extra cover when Tendulkar pings a drive off Saeed Ajmal. He just had to get Tendulkar, didn't he? Afridi whips off his cap and strikes the pose: arms skyward and legs spread as far as possible without endangering the fabric around his special place. He's a superstar. Tendulkar's weird but vital innings comes to an end, and India are in a bit of trouble.
36th over: India 185-4 (Tendulkar 84, Dhoni 16) An excellent over from Afridi costs three. I wonder how many times, in those 99 hundreds, Tendulkar was dropped four times. Probably none. "Given that The New Seriousness now seems to be in cricket too," says Alex Netherton, "any chance of telling us what formation India are playing?"
35th over: India 182-4 (Tendulkar 82, Dhoni 15) Stop me if you think you've heard this one before, but Sachin Tendulkar has been dropped. Again. For the fourth time in the innings. He drove Hafeez to mid on, where Umar Akmal made a hopeless mess of a fairly routine leaping catch. He jumped too soon. "World Cup semi-final and you drop the best batsman four times?" says Sourav Ganguly. "It's ridiculous." Hafeez ends with superb figures of 10-0-34-1. "Room 101," says Alex Warwick. "My girlfriend starting to watch Alan Partridge repeats on Dave and discovering most of my jokes come from him. After four and a half years she's finding out the truth, and she can't handle the truth."
34th over: India 177-4 (Tendulkar 77, Dhoni 15) Room 101: when they don't tell you it's a drinks break and you only realise during the third advert and then you have to run or face the alternative, crossing your legs while fighting off all thoughts of Stanley from Magnolia. Anyway, Umar Gul bowls the last over with the old ball, and Tendulkar takes a quick single to point. Gul then bowls a front-foot no-ball, his second of the day, but for the second time India can't get the free hit to the boundary. Tendulkar is now 23 away from an achievement that can barely be comprehended: 100 international hundreds. You can leer at those words all you like but they won't start to make sense for a long, long time. A hundred hundreds in international cricket! "I'm sitting with a bunch of journalists and lawyers in Raipur (21.14°N 81.38°E) (not that far from Nagpur)," says Aman Sethi. "We are supposed to be covering the Maoist Insurgency for our respective newspapers but the courts have closed for the match, the state assembly has adjourned for the day and we are hoping the rebels decide to take the day off as well."
33rd over: India 173-4 (Tendulkar 76, Dhoni 14) "Shabash Hafeez, shabash shabash Hafeez" bellows Kamran Akmal as the splendid Mohammad Hafeez continues his work. Two singles from the over. Who will blink first? "I think I owe it to my English teacher mother," begins Michael Whitaker, "to point out that Room 101 is where your greatest fear is realised not a place to which you consigns things that, y'know, piss you off a bit..." Yeah, and next you'll be telling me the concept wasn't invented by Nick Hancock.
32nd over: India 171-4 (Tendulkar 75, Dhoni 13) Umar Gul is coming on now, so he will have two overs with this old ball. Dhoni, who hasn't reached 40 in his last 15 ODIs, heaves a single through the covers. That's the only run from a good over. "This is a cricket blog?" says Mike Murphy. "Huh, the things you find out when looking for fish finger serving suggestions." Get those expensive German fish fingers. They're an epiphany in breadcrumbs.
31st over: India 170-4 (Tendulkar 75, Dhoni 12) I'm pretty surprised Pakistan are using spin from both ends with this old, reverse-swinging ball. That said, Hafeez is bowling excellently and concedes only two singles. "I'm sitting at my desk at work in Paris, France, desperately looking for live video of the match while I read your OBO," says Mikeal Perreau. "Two days ago, I knew next to nothing about cricket, but now I find I can't concentrate on anything else while Tendulkar is batting. I want nothing more than to see his 100th century, and I'm quite sure I barely know what that means."
30th over: India 168-4 (Tendulkar 74, Dhoni 11) Tendulkar has been dropped off Afridi for the third time! He pushed at a beautiful quicker ball, and the thick edge rebounded off Kamran Akmal's gloves. Those either stick or they don't, although I bet Dhoni and Sangakkara would have taken it. Tendulkar pours some bleach into the wound by driving handsomely over extra cover for four. "I'm 80kms from Mohali," says Rahul Nayyar. "Markets are closed, university declared a half day and a projector and a screen has been erected in the local community centre. The noise is deafening." What comes after deafening? Whatever it is, it's only 26 Tendulkar runs away.
29th over: India 161-4 (Tendulkar 68, Dhoni 11) Dhoni has had a poor tournament with the bat, so he will need a bit more time than usual to play himself in. That allows Hafeez to race through an over for just one single. Hafeez has been excellent. "I love self-service tills – particularly the way they bark orders at you repeatedly and loudly and try to deliberately fluster you," says Matthew West. "The only way I would improve them is to programme them to shout 'You'll pay for that you bastard!' each time you swipe something or bellow out your PIN as you type it in."
28th over: India 160-4 (Tendulkar 67, Dhoni 11) Dhoni works Wahab for three, and then Tendulkar is beaten by another one that swings away late. India will feel fine while Sachin is there; but if he goes, all bets are off. These few overs before the mandatory ball change are so important. Tendulkar gets a boundary off the penultimate delivery after an appalling misfield from Umar Gul at fine leg. Thirty-three to go. Surely he couldn't? Of course he could. "Given that this match has everything... What would you give me for Tendulkar out on 99? Walking to an imperceptible nick perhaps, or a catch that replays show didn't quite carry?" Or to a stinker with both reviews used up. India would love the UDRS then.
27th over: India 150-4 (Tendulkar 61, Dhoni 8) As Mike Atherton says on Sky, surely Umar Gul should be brought back for a bit with this ball reverse swinging. For now it's Hafeez and Dhoni edges another boundary, this one right through the vacant slip area. One more wicket and India will be in something pretty malodorous. "Room 101," says Rachel Clifton. "How about the kind of people who ignore the myriad outlets on the web that give you just the cricket score and commentary in favour of logging onto this OBO coverage and insulting the guy who writes it and the many people who have been reading for years?"
26th over: India 145-4 (Tendulkar 60, Dhoni 4) Dhoni, on the walk, is beaten by the hat-trick ball, and he edges the next wide of slip for four. Wonderful stuff from Wahab Riaz. Whatever you have planned for the next 20 minutes, forget about it. The force is with Pakistan, and when that is the case there is nothing in world sport to compare. "If I want to hear endless stories of petty gripes told without wit or style," begins Luke Dealtry, "I AT LEAST WANT THEM IN CAPS." ROFL!
WICKET! India 141-4 (Yuvraj b Wahab 0) Yuvraj Singh has gone first ball! This is a storming delivery from Wahav Riaz, a reverse inswinging yorker that goes right through Yuvraj and smashes into the base of middle stump. Wahab sets off on a mini lap of honour. Shoaib who? Wahab Riaz is on fire! That is a mighty blow from Pakistan, because Yuvraj has probably been the man of the tournament.
WICKET! India 141-3 (Kohli c U Akmal b Riaz 9) This is an exceptional piece of bowling from Wahab Riaz. Kohli fiddled outside off at a good delivery that moved away just enough to take the edge on its way to backward point, where Umar Akmal took a routine catch. For a split second I thought it was Tendulkar. In fact it's Kohli, and now Yuvraj Singh is striding to the crease. What a match this is. Every time you think India are getting away, Pakistan reel them in again.
25th over: India 141-2 (Tendulkar 60, Kohli 9) There's enough turn here to make India's omission of Ashwin look a bit dubious. It was a decision based on Pakistan's aptitude against spin more than anything. Five singles from Hafeez's over, and we're at the halfway point of the innings.
24th over: India 136-2 (Tendulkar 58, Kohli 6) We're into the Boring Middle Overs, such as they are in this astonishing contest. Wahab Riaz returns in place of Afridi, and Tendulkar opens the face to steer a single to third man, one of three from the over. Tendulkar is beaten by the last ball, driving at a one that wasn't full enough for the shot. He needs just 42 more to send Mohali into an unparalleled collective ecstasy. "Room 101 thoughts," says Hugh Duffy. "How about people who post comments on a cricket blog about something that has nothing to do with cricket – I don't care – just keep us up to date with some commentary and the scores." I don't understand. Are you suggesting the Guardian should change a successful, much-imitated, decade-old format, just because you don't like it? Because that would exhibit a breathtaking, risible arrogance. And I'm sure that's not the case.
23rd over: India 133-2 (Tendulkar 57, Kohli 4) Kohli screws a drive just short of the bowler Hafeez. That's another fine over from Hafeez, with just three singles from it. "How sharp is Kamral Akmal's keeping today?" says John Starbuck. "If he's on song, which it seems he is given the recent attempted stumping, it makes big a difference to Pakistan's chances and really raises the bar for India's batsmen. Outfielders dropping them isn't good but if the keeper has a 'mare it'll be hopeless." He has been excellent. The stumping of Tendulkar that went to the third umpire was a beautiful piece of work.
22nd over: India 130-2 (Tendulkar 56, Kohli 2) Tendulkar reaches his fifty with a beautiful stroke, lofting Afridi over extra cover for four. Then he opens the face to steer four more just past Kamran Akmal's right leg. There have been some gorgeous strokes, as there always are when Tendulkar bats, but he has had some serious fortune as well. This is a fascinating contest between Afridi and Tendulkar. "If I want to hear endless stories of petty gripes told without wit or style," says Matt Emerson, "I'll go and see Michael MacIntyre, not read them on an OBO report...." I don't understand. Do you mean you're heading to an alternative OBO report, because if so that's fine – we're sorry to see you go, but obviously it's your right. However, if you're suggesting the Guardian should change a successful, much-imitated, decade-old format, just because you don't like it, well that would exhibit a breathtaking, risible arrogance. And I'm sure that's not the case.
21st over: India 120-2 (Tendulkar 47, Kohli 1) This is a fine little spell from Hafeez. Only one single from that over, so his figures are now 3-0-11-1. "Tendulkar century, Super Over and OBO breakdown (over 10) not enough," says Sumit Rahman. " I want a Duckworth/Lewis misreading by a captain or batsman, a power cut during a review of a Tendulkar referral when he is on 98, a surprise announcement from Seb Coe that cricket will be an Olympic sport for London 2012 and a massive series of match-fixing revelations from Wikileaks that lead to a number of countries being thrown out of the World Cup leaving Bangladesh in the final. But still all in CAPS."
20th over: India 119-2 (Tendulkar 46, Kohli 1) Tendulkar has been dropped again! This is ridiculous. It was a straightforward chance as well, as he flashed a wide delivery from Afridi to the right of Younis Khan at cover. It was hit very hard, but that should certainly have been taken. Tendulkar's 100th hundred might well be his filthiest.
19th over: India 116-2 (Tendulkar 44, Kohli 0) Apart from a facial resemblance to Danny Dyer, Virat Kohli is a class act. This, however, is the ultimate test. "Segueing nicely from Alex Warwick in Over 9, this also applies to supermarket self-service tills," says Guy Hornsby. "A good idea in practice, an Orwellian nightmare in reality. People that queue for ages, then only when they get to the till and put their items through do they get their bag out, go through its depths, get wallet/purse out, then decide on card, then pay, then when they've done that, go through the whole thing in reverse. It's like Chinese water torture, and if I'd had any hair left I'd have pulled it out waiting. It's enough to make me commit violence, but I've often lost the will to live by the time I get to the till. Infuriating."
WICKET! India 116-2 (Gambhir st K Akmal b Hafeez 27) Beautiful bowling from Mohammad Hafeez. He sensed that Gambhir was coming down the track, so he dragged the ball a touch shorter and it turned sharply past the outside edge for Kamran Akmal to complete the stumping. That's a big scalp for Pakistan, because Gambhir is India's best middle-overs nurdler.
18th over: India 114-1 (Tendulkar 43, Gambhir 26) Tendulkar edges a good delivery from Afridi along the ground to backward point. Afridi is bowling splendidly here, with that mesmeric rhythm, but Tendulkar releases what pressure there is with a beautifully timed chip down the ground for four. Those are the only runs from a fascinating over.
17th over: India 110-1 (Tendulkar 39, Gambhir 24) Mohammad Hafeez replaces Saeed Ajmal. I think that's a good move; let Ajmal calm down in the outfield for a bit after a very unlucky spell of 4-0-20-0. Hafeez's offspinners are very handy, although Gambhir slaps a superb cut wide of backward point for four. He is playing the spinners exquisitely. Eight from the over. Anyway, this is a wonderful email from Mark O'Neil, exactly the kind of petty gripe we encourage round here. "Room 101? BBC weatherpersons who editorialise the weather. I want to know whether it is going to be wet, dry, the wind speed and the air temperature where I live. Not whether they think it is 'a bit nasty, so you'll want to wrap up warm ' or 'a good day to get out in the garden'. I'll make the decisions. If I want to run around naked in the local park in a rainstorm that's between me and the law."
16th over: India 102-1 (Tendulkar 38, Gambhir 18) Three singles from Afridi's over. India still look good for 300. That would be a huge test for Pakistan, not so much their talent as their temperament. "I'm sorry Rob but 'How can you not love Shahid Afridi?'" sniffs Chris Plume. "The man's got the most arrogant celebration in world cricket and is a serial cheat – when he's not biting the ball he's using an exploding drinks vehicle as cover while he deliberately scuffs up the pitch. He is very unloveable in my humble opinion…." Like I said during a similar discussion last week...
15th over: India 99-1 (Tendulkar 37, Gambhir 18) Tendulkar plays a lovely paddle sweep for four. Ajmal may be starting to feel a bit sorry for himself, particularly when Tendulkar edges a gorgeous doosra through the vacant slip area for four. If they had a first slip he would have gone. Ian Gould, who was rattled by that LBW decision being overturned, originally gave it as byes but then changed his decision after seeing a big edge on the replay. Despite a relatively calm period, India are still going at more than a run a ball. "People who say 'lol' or 'rofl' when they're clearly doing neither," says Norrie Hernon. I've never understood why nobody either types 'ROFLOL'. Take it to the next level.
14th over: India 90-1 (Tendulkar 29, Gambhir 15) Another life for Tendulkar! This is staggering. He rocked back to pull Afridi, and Misbah at midwicket spilled a sharp but eminently catchable chance. Afridi pats Tendulkar on the shoulder and smiles, a very nice touch. How can you not love Shahid Afridi? He is charisma incarnate, and he has a nice beard as well. Six from the over, all in ones and twos. Gambhir is a great man to have in against Ajmal and Afridi, because he manoeuvres the ball so deftly. "You realise this will go down in history as the most read OBO ever?" says Mark Hooper. "No pressure.." If you can survive the seventh ODI in Australia, you can survive anything.
13th over: India 84-1 (Tendulkar 27, Gambhir 12) Gambhir is a good nurdler of spin – all the best nurdlers are left-handed – and he opens the face to steer Ajmal's last ball classily for four. Ajmal boots the turf in disgust. This is going to go off at some stage, isn't it? There's bound to be at least one mild roister-doister, to use Scott Murray's beloved phrase. "Do you get the feeling," says Andrew Benbow, "that this could just be the moment that India learns to love the review system?"
12th over: India 79-1 (Tendulkar 26, Gambhir 8) There's a new bowler. Baldrick will tell you who it is. Afridi whistles through his first over at a cost of three singles. Everyone is still digesting that incredible double reprieve for Tendulkar. "I'd like to put 'raising awareness' into Room 101," says Dan Smith. "You are doing jack all to help cancer victims/overworked donkeys/gender inequality in the boardroom by changing your Facebook profile picture to a Thundercat. Also: people who address other people as 'hun'. Also: people."
11th over: India 76-1 (Tendulkar 24, Gambhir 6) Can I have a lie down please? "Do you get the feeling," says Andrew Benbow, "that this could just be the moment that India learns to love the review system?"
REVIEW: India 75-1 (Tendulkar st Akmal b Ajmal 23) This is incredible – Tendulkar has survived two reviews in two balls! This one was a third-umpire review for a stumping. He overbalanced as he pushed at a beauty from Ajmal, and Kamran Akmal had the bails off in a flash. Akmal was certain it was out, and Simon Taufel went upstairs to check, but replays showed that Tendulkar had just jabbed his back foot down in time. It was painfully close, so tight as to make Spandex seem like a baggy item of clothing from the Madchester era, but there was no way the third umpire could have given him out.
REVIEW: India 75-1 (Tendulkar LBW b Ajmal 23) Astonishing stuff: Tendulkar has had an LBW decision overturned on review! The crowd are going mad. He pushed defensively at a curving, fizzing delivery from Ajmal that hit him around off and middle stump. It looked a great shout, and he was given out by Ian Gould, but after a bit of discussion with Gautam Gambhir he decided to risk India's final review. And it was a great decision, because replays showed the ball was spinning past leg stump. Amazing. Ian Gould shakes his head, and Tendulkar continues.
10th over: India 73-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 6) Wahab strays onto Tendulkar's pads and the ball flies away for four leg byes. The match has calmed down a bit since Sehwag's dismissal; its pulse rate is only about 250 now. We're a tenth of the way through the match, and I need a lie down. "I want a Tendulkar Century, a Super Over and a OBO breakdown... in CAPS!" says Frazer Hope. "Just to let you know I had yesterday off for my birthday and went to Canterbury only to find out that the scuzzy second-hand record shop has closed. The above demands need to be met, or just recommend a similar record shop." You mean Parrot Records? That's been shut for years. I miss that place. [Swoon]I bought my first ever Sleeper record there [/swoon].
9th over: India 68-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 3) It's time for the spin, with the mystery offspinner Saeed Ajmal coming into the attack. Gambhir is almost beaten by a beautiful doosra and then milks three runs. A good, order-restoring over for Pakistan. There's no need for them to panic. India got off to similar flyers against England and South Africa and did not win either of those games. "Room 101," says Alex Warwick. "People who get to the front of the cash point queue. Then get their card out after have a good five minutes to ready themselves. Then get a paper statement, which they stare at in disbelief. Then get their card out, and pop another one in to repeat the action." Ah, yes, I used to dislike people who used a cash point with two different cards, but then I thought, Maybe they are just utterly skint and chancing it with various cards to see if they can withdraw a tenner to buy some fish fingers. So I felt guilty for hating them, and hated myself instead.
8th over: India 65-1 (Tendulkar 23, Gambhir 2) An awesome piece of timing from Tendulkar, whose gentle push off Riaz races through midwicket for four. He is then duped by a smart slower ball from Wahab that grips and hits him on the hip, but responds with a thrilling square drive for four. He looks in sumptuous touch. Can you imagine the noise if he gets his 100th hundred today.
7th over: India 57-1 (Tendulkar 15, Gambhir 2) Sehwag has gone but Umar Gul is still haemorrhaging runs. A poor delivery on the pads is tickled fine for four by Tendulkar, who then times three more through the coverse. Gul's figures are an R-rated 4-0-41-0. "If you needed any other evidence that today's semi is a biggie, here in Norway must be the place to look," says Geoff May. "The national television station, NRK1, has cleared out its daytime schedule to show the entire game live. First time ever that cricket has been shown on Noggy TV, so I am told. Hopefully they will have found some interesting commentators for it; I'm looking forward to my colleagues asking what a pinny is and why Boycott's mother would use it to catch balls."
6th over: India 49-1 (Tendulkar 8, Gambhir 1) Excellent stuff from Wahab Riaz: just two runs and that crucial wicket. "Room 101," says Peter Mattessi. "People who employ stupid, moronic, infantile internet speak, written or spoken. 'Oh noes', 'I haz a hunger', 'respek' etc. Grow up you effing imbeciles." But... but... but... look at the cute cat!
WICKET! India 48-1 (Sehwag LBW b Wahab Riaz 38) Silence in Mohali. Virender Sehwag has gone! Wahab Riaz replaced Abdul Razzaq and struck with his fifth ball. It was homed in towards middle and leg from over the wicket, not bouncing as much as we might have expected, and was certainly hitting the stumps as Sehwag flicked desperately around his front pad. Simon Taufel gave it out, but Sehwag reviewed the decision straight away, presumably thinking or hoping it pitched outside leg. It didn't, and he has to go after a storming innings of 38 from 25 balls.
5th over: India 47-0 (Sehwag 38, Tendulkar 8) Another over, two more boundaries for Sehwag. The first was crunched wristily through midwicket when Gul overpitched just a touch. You could almost hear the boing of his wrists as he played the stroke. Two balls later he reached high above his head to steer a slower, wider bouncer over backward point and away for four. Pakistan surely have to go to spin soon. "I'm a British Pakistani on a road trip with a British Indian, from London to jerusalem in an old Mercedes 190," says Zubair Shah. "Today we are in Damascus and I'm desperately trying to find somewhere showing the game. There are 1014 channels on my hotel TV showing everything in the world but no cricket. Maybe I should have listened to my mum and stayed at home. OBO Zindabad is all I can say!"
4th over: India 39-0 (Sehwag 30, Tendulkar 8) I already have 70 unread email so, er, PLEASE STOP keep 'em coming. And apologies if I don't get round to yours. It's not me, it's you. Or something. Early impressions are that this is a 300 pitch, and Sehwag's start means that Tendulkar can play his usual game – anchoring the innings at a strike rate of 100. He squirts Razzaq past point for three and then Sehwag smears a disdainful boundary down the ground. Utter contempt. He has raced to 30 from 17 balls, and when he gets off strike Tendulkar completes another expensive over with a classical extra-cover drive for four. "Room 101 candidate," begins Harkarn Sumal. "The first time that I heard anyone using the word 'texed' as a past tense of 'text' (the recently coined noun), I despaired at the riff-raff. But now that it seems to have crept in to common usage I've taken this as my cue to entirely give up on modern civilisation. My wife's started doing it now and this pretty much guarantees one major domestic every week, along the lines of 'why can't you say it properly?' – invariably triggering the default response 'Why are you completely useless in every respect?' and a great big hufty strop."
3rd over: India 27-0 (Sehwag 25, Tendulkar 1) Astonishing stuff from Virender Sehwag, who has just smacked Umar Gul's second over for 21! It includes an amazing five boundaries – two to midwicket and one each through square leg, backward point and cover – and also a front-foot no-ball. Gul is Pakistan's best seamer, and Sehwag has just treated him like Martin McCague. "I've travelled for four hours on local Kentish buses (Room 101 please!) to visit my gran," says Niall Harden. "She has Sky Sports. Pure coincidence." I hope she's cancelled her subscription without telling you, and has only the five basic channels and an Are You Being Served DVD.
2nd over: India 6-0 (Sehwag 5, Tendulkar 1) Pakistan decide not to open with spin, despite the success of that tactic in the quarter-final defenestration of the West Indies, so it will be Abdul Razzaq to share the new ball. Accurate medium pacers have given Tendulkar a few problems down the years – none more so than Hansie Cronje, absurd as that sounds – and he is watchful for a few deliveries before getting off the mark with a very tight single to mid on. Wahab Riaz's throw missed the stumps, although I think Tendulkar was just home. Two singles from the over. "I'd like to put into Room 101 people asking bar staff if they can 'get' whatever they want to order," says Phil Lamb. "'Can I get a pint of Amstel?' No, you can't. The bar staff will get it." That's the kind of wonderfully minor thing that we should include. I love the idea of Phil Lamb's entire Friday night out being ruined by some punter's frivolous use of the word 'get'.
1st over: India 4-0 (Sehwag 4, Tendulkar 0) Umar Gul roars in to bowl the first ball, and Sehwag plays and misses at a filthy wide delivery. There is usually a bit of [Michael Holding voice] pace and bounce [/Michael Holding voice] at Mohali, and the general consensus is that this is a belter. Sehwag gets the party started with an effortless cover drive for four off the third delivery, holding the pose theatrically at the end of his follow through. Gul responds with a good one that beats Sehwag's angled-bat force. A lively start.
"You're just two games away from being the first OBOer to avoid the World Cup meltdown," says Alex Netherton, who is referring to an, a-hem, proud Guardian cricket World Cup tradition in evidence here and here. Don't worry, Alex: if this game goes to a Super Over, the only word I'll be capable of typing will be 'Wibble'.
Where are you watching today's game? Tell us your stories, obviously the more interesting the better. An 'I'm at work in Farringdon eating cheese bread and filling in some forms' probably isn't that interesting.
Statgasm department Pakistan have never beaten India at a World Cup or a World Twenty20.
Recycling old riffs department What would you put in Room 101? Not the obvious stuff – smoking, Toploader, football, the internet, eye contact – but the little things that annoy you inordinately. Like the word 'tweeps'. And the word 'peeps'. And trendy shop assistants in trendy shops who are too hip and trendy and very to bother with the word pounds, and instead say "that's 20 please". Twenty what? Pence? Clams? Epiphanies? Seconds to comply?
"Usually," says Ian Copestake, "squeaky bum time is reserved for the end of matches, not before they've even begun."
Previously on India v Pakistan… We tend not to do Joy of Sixes on cricket, but if we had done India v Pakistan, the list might have been something like this: Javed Miandad's legendary last-ball six to win the Australasia Cup final of 1986… Anil Kumble's ten-for in 1999… Wasim Akram's astonishing over to Rahul Dravid, also in 1999... Javed Miandad getting friendly with Kiran More in 1992… Sunny Gavaskar's heroic 96 in his final Test innings (and in a stunning series decider, with which the unfamiliar should acquaint themselves quick smart) … and Majid Khan's response to some negative bowling from Kapil Dev in 1978.
India have won the toss, to wild cheers, and will bat first. They have brought in the left-arm seamer Ashish Nehra for the offspinner Ravichandran Ashwin. Pakistan are unchanged, which means no place for Shoaib Akhtar. Bah! Shahid Afridi, emitting his usual hyperactive cool, announces that the toss isn't important anyway, and that the pitch will help the spinners.
India Sehwag, Tendulkar, Gambhir, Kohli, Yuvraj, Dhoni (c/wk), Raina, Harbhajan, Zaheer, Patel, Nehra.
Pakistan Hafeez, K Akmal (wk), Shafiq, Younis, Misbah, U Akmal, Afridi (c), Razzaq, Wahab, Gul, Ajmal.
The mood of the day, captured in one email from Waqas Mir "Bloodyhellbloodyhellbloodyhell!"
Preamble Morning. There has been so much hype about this game that it's important we put it in perspective. It is, after all, only the biggest game in cricket history. The fact that the winners go through to a World Cup final is almost incidental. This is India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan. India v Pakistan.
Everybody wants to win cricket matches, but it's hard to imagine that anybody has ever needed to win a match as much as these sides today. Take the thing you have needed the most in your life – to hold the hand of The One, perhaps, or a fish-finger sandwich when all you have to cook in the flat is bread, fresh air and some intimidatingly funky cheese – multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near. Those of us born and raised in Britain have not got a clue how big this game is.
There is an obvious hope concern that it will kick off, and at least one of the losing team will probably have their house stoned tonight, but hopefully the cricket will take precedence. Both sides have otherworldly talents – and the pick of them, Sachin Tendulkar, is on 99 international centuries. If he becomes the first man to reach a hundred hundreds today, the entire known universe may grind to a halt.
source : http://www.guardian.co.uk/
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